and on

I said to her: �I feel like the only lesson I�ve learned here is that letting people get close causes you nothing but pain� (or something like that). And then I remarked on the melodrama and how I sounded like one of those characters at the beginning of a Mandy Moore movie who will learn by the end that the thing about letting people in is that you can experience the beauty of looooove.

I don�t know why I left the message, it was a bad idea.

If the price for reaching out and touching people, for feeling things and wanting things and holding things with your being is that look of agony over my shoulder, I don�t want to touch people. I am that character at the beginning of a Mandy Moore movie, but I don�t want any spunky heroine or well coifed hunk of the week to teach me otherwise. I was really, really good at letting people in. I loved caring. I feel like somehow I did this to myself, there was a way to handle the situation(s) and I failed. I don�t even feel sad, just numb.

Live through this, and you won�t look back. That�s what the Stars say.

I hope so. I want me back.


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