I'm empowered because I think no one reads. I'm empowered because I'm almost 22 and I started this when I was 14 or 15 and that is the longest endeavor I've ever embarked upon.
I am always amazed, when I surf back through entries, what's made it online in the past few years. I can pretty much break it down into three categories:
1. Boys
2. School work and its far-reaching effects
3. The feeling of wanting both freedom and connection in the same burst of frenetic brilliance.
Seriously.
Amusing.
The truth of the matter: I don't think I've ever seen people (real people) having sex before. I didn't mean to walk in on them in the basement, but...well, there they were. And all their clothes were on. And that just looked...functional. I wonder when in my life I will stop thinking of the men who are my peers as "boys." The women, in all actuality, have been women since some time in 8th grade. There they were - a woman and a boy and the most awkward sex I think I could have walked in on. I hope it was good for them.
Two boys, coincidentally from the same high school, both gave me the best advice I've ever heard about sex and its perplexing awkwardness. See if you (me? later? phantom reader? who even knows what this means?) can tell which was more important.
"The thing about sex is that it IS weird. You're naked and there are weird smells and sounds and smells and liquids and no one knows what they're doing. It's weird. It's awkward. That's why we do it with the same people over and over - at least they know what to expect."
"Meg, sex isn't like in the movies where it only lasts five minutes and no one goes down on the girl." "What about feminist movies?" "Well, then, no one's watching anyway."
I bet you guess wrong. I bet you do I bet you do I bet you do. I bet I do. I bet I look back on both of those and say "ah, you who persist in her neivite! Why do you do this to yourself! Grow knowledge! Throw off the mantle of feminine innocence and accept yourself as the paradigm Woman With Knowledge."
But...seriously...on a couch? That just looked uncomfortable.